


Pan's Complaint

by EmbraceTheEccentric



Series: Gods Are People Too [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, and i gotta get that wine mom aesthetic for RQ, i just love gods that act like normal people, takes place post refuge, thb know about kravitz and taako
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 12:13:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13387572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmbraceTheEccentric/pseuds/EmbraceTheEccentric
Summary: In light of new information Pan has a grievance to take up with the Raven Queen regarding a certain reaper





	Pan's Complaint

**Author's Note:**

> I think I wanna make like a collection of these stories where you get the perspectives of the gods which sounds super profound but in reality they're really not

The Raven Queen was not expecting a visitor in her throne room. Her reapers would only come when she called and Istus was still busy fussing over her newest emissaries while the issues of Refuge were worked out. Everyone was busy, hard at work, and so the Raven Queen did not expect any one to be waiting for her in her throne room.

She was mistaken.

“Pan, my dear friend. What brings you to my domain today?” The nature God’s hooves clicked on her obsidian floor as he paced back and forth. He hadn’t stopped pacing since he had burst through the front doors, a few of her reapers peaking in fearfully at the raging God who had stormed past them. The Raven Queen had not been startled by the entrance, more surprised by the visit than anything, but even after a few long minutes of Pan rambling and pacing she still could not see why he was there.

Pan finally stopped his pacing and pointed an accusatory finger in her direction. The Raven Queen raised one elegant brow and waited for him to continue.

“Don’t give me that shit, princess!” The Raven Queen’s eye twitched. She hated that nickname. She knew that he knew that she hated that nickname. “Your fancy sweet talk isn’t gonna work this time.”

“I still don’t know what you’re angry about.” She huffed in response, languidly reclining in her throne. She had known Pan long enough that proper posture in her court was far from necessary with just the two of them. “You came in here yelling about crystals and thieves and respecting territory and absolutely none of it has strung into a coherent enough statement for me to pay attention to.”

“The issue here, _princess_ ” The Raven Queen’s eye twitched again. “Is that your favorite little reaper is responsible for one of my most devout followers losing his arm.” She blinked. Once. Then twice.

“That was _months_ ago, Pan.” She pointed out, incredulous as to why this matter was being brought up again. “Furthermore the injuries sustained by Merle Highchurch in those labs were addressed in Kravitz’s evaluation following the incident. Highchurch and the others were very large bounties, fair game to my reapers regardless of any religious devotion to _you_.” Dealing with the unexplainable death counts of Istus’s new emissaries had been about as headache-inducing as the current debacle with Refuge. She had pardoned them in the end, she honestly had no choice with Istus nagging her, and so it should be settled at this point.

Evidently the Raven Queen would be mistaken not once, but twice that day.

“Oh, I know.” Pan waved another accusatory finger in her direction. “But that’s not my problem here.” The Raven Queen sighed and summoned a glass of wine, twirling the drink and watching the crimson liquid swirl with a tired disinterest.

“Then pray tell what your problem-”

“He stole my voice.” She blinked again.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Kravitz, he stole my voice.” Pan repeated, hands coming up and waving around. “Like a little goth mockingbird.” She stopped twirling the glass and took a very large sip. “He used my voice to trick Merle into grabbing the crystal that led to him losing his arm.”

“He stole-”

“Yes.”

“…your voice.”

“He did.”

“And you-”

“And I’m offended!”

“Okay, alright…okay.” She took another large sip. “Okay.”

“Your reaper used my voice to hurt one of my devout followers and I want this offense rectified.” Pan declared, crossing his arms with a very smug look on his face. The Raven Queen didn’t allow smug looks in her throne room.

“Well why the _fuck_ is this only now coming up?” She asked, the wine in her glass threatening to spill over as she waved it around.

“He prayed to me.”

“Who prayed to you?”

“ _Merle_.”

“Alright, makes sense. And he…what? Prayed that you’d punish Kravitz?” She didn’t wish for Kravitz to be punished, Pan wasn’t completely wrong when he said he was her favorite. But what still didn’t make sense was how delayed this whole situation was. Pan suddenly looked hesitant rather than smug, a change which made the Raven Queen sit up a little straighter in her throne.

“No, not exactly. But the implication was there.” He muttered. The Raven Queen narrowed her eyes.

“Pan.” Pan looked away to avoid her gaze. “What _exactly_ did Merle Highchurch pray to you?”

“That’s confidential.”

“ _Pan_.”

“Alright, alright!” He conceded putting his hands up in surrender. Within one of those hands a small ball of light appeared, similar in form to the souls floating around the stockade but smaller. Pan threw the light up in the air where it hovered for a moment before bursting into smaller pieces that flew around the room like fireflies. Within the frenzy of light a voice rang out, strong and clear in a way that’s only achievable when the prayer is originating from a cleric. Pan reached up and bumped a few of the lights flying past, skipping through words and sentences of the prayer until they arrived at a desired moment.

“ _As always, benevolent Pan, I ask that you bless and protect my teammates and the others working here at the BOB…but I’d actually like to add someone else to the list. It’s this reaper named Kravitz, he’s one of the Raven Queen’s bounty hunters…well, you probably know who he is, being a God and all that. And now, I know he tried to kill us and pretended to be you and used your voice to trick me into grabbing that crystal but he’s really not that…he’s decent? I honestly haven’t talked much with the guy aside from the whole killing part but…well, Magnus and I found out…that is, we saw…he makes Taako really happy from what we’ve seen. So if you wouldn’t mind sending some of that protection his way too, that’d be…that would be swell.”_

Pan snapped his fingers and the dancing lights dropped to the floor, burning out one by one like dying embers. He looked up at the Raven Queen who had frozen with the wine glass part way to her lips and once again crossed his arms over his chest in a pose of victory.

 “He prayed for you to _bless_ Kravitz, not punish him.” The Raven Queen whispered and shut her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose as a headache began to grow.

“Because he’s a man of faith, of course he wouldn’t pray for violence.” Was Pan’s response as if it explained everything perfectly. The Raven Queen downed the rest of her wine while pointing towards the doors with a sharp, dark nail.

“Get out of my throne room.” She ordered, her wine glass already refilling with more. Pan frowned, clearly confused that his well thought out request was not being honored.

“Come on, princess-”

“No!” She moved to point at him, eyes filled with a cold fire that made him flinch. “You come into my domain, you insult my reaper, you disrespect me, and all in the name of a follower who _didn’t even ask for it_.”

“But-”

“Nope.”

“He-”

“Uh uh.”

The two gods stared at each other, neither blinking. The Raven Queen began drinking her wine again, never breaking eye contact as she silently dared Pan to keep arguing. Pan let out a sigh. 

“Fine.” His shoulders dropped and he stood in silence. A moment passed. “Are we still getting drinks with Istus on Friday?” He asked and ducked to the side as an empty wine glass was tossed at him.

“Yes, we’re still getting drinks with Istus on Friday now get out of my throne room.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up over at [madqueenreigns](http://madqueenreigns.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you wanna chat


End file.
